What Are Vows in a Wedding

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Why They’re Said and How to Make Them Meaningful

If you’re wondering what wedding vows are, why they’re so important, or how to write vows that truly reflect your relationship, you’re in the right place. As a wedding officiant who specializes in custom, meaningful wedding ceremonies, I’m here to help you understand the purpose of vows — and how to make this moment unforgettable.

When you imagine your meaningful wedding ceremony, what moments stand out? The walk down the aisle? The ring exchange? The kiss?

For many couples, it’s the wedding vows — those heartfelt words spoken to one another — that become the most unforgettable part of the day.

Bradley Moss Photography

So many couples ask me what wedding vows are and how to write wedding vows that feel meaningful, natural, and true to who they are.

But what are vows, really? And why are they included in so many wedding ceremonies?

Whether you’re just starting to plan or getting ready to write your own vows, this post will help you understand the purpose and power of wedding vows — and how they can make your ceremony truly personal and unforgettable.

So, What Are Wedding Vows?

At their core, wedding vows are promises. Spoken aloud during the ceremony, vows are the moment when you each commit — in your own words or with traditional phrasing — to love, support, and stand beside each other throughout your marriage.

They’re more than beautiful words. They’re the emotional heart of your wedding ceremony — a moment of vulnerability, honesty, and connection witnessed by your closest loved ones.

As someone who’s had the honor of officiating hundreds of weddings, I’ve seen vows that made guests laugh out loud and vows that brought everyone to tears — sometimes both at once. I’ll never forget one couple who promised each other forever with sweet sincerity… and then slipped in a hilarious promise to always keep a backup bottle of ketchup in the fridge. (That was mine, actually — a promise to my husband during our own ceremony. And yes, I’ve kept it.)

Sapan Ahuja Photography

Some couples choose classic or religious vows, passed down for generations. Others write personalized wedding vows filled with memories, humor, and heartfelt intentions. There’s no one right way — the best wedding vows are the ones that feel true to you.

And here’s a helpful tip I often share with my couples: A love letter is all the things your partner means to you — the beautiful moments and emotions. But vows? Vows are your promises. They’re your hopes and plans, your goals and commitments — the things you’re choosing to say out loud and live out every day of your marriage.

Whether you choose to write personalized vows or stick to a traditional script, understanding what wedding vows mean — and the different types of wedding vows available — will help you create a ceremony that feels right for both of you.

Why Are Wedding Vows Said?

Wedding vows aren’t just a tradition — they’re one of the most meaningful moments of your entire ceremony. For many couples, understanding why wedding vows are important helps them craft more intentional, emotional, and lasting promises. Whether you’re writing your own personalized wedding vows or choosing words that have stood the test of time, this moment is about more than just pretty promises. It’s about intention, commitment, and the start of something truly sacred.

Here’s why wedding vows matter so deeply — and why they’re spoken out loud in nearly every wedding ceremony:

1. They Mark the Transition from Engaged to Married

Your wedding ceremony is a threshold moment. And when you speak your vows, you’re stepping across that threshold with purpose. You’re making a public declaration: “I choose you. Not just for today, but for all the days ahead.”

I’ve seen couples go into the ceremony laughing, wanting a light and whimsical vibe — and then the moment they begin speaking their vows, something shifts. The room quiets. Their words carry weight. Suddenly, we’re all witnessing a deeply personal, powerful commitment. It’s a breathtaking thing to watch unfold.

2. They Set the Tone for Your Marriage

Vows are more than wedding day words — they are the foundation for your life together. They are the promises you’re choosing to make, the priorities you want to hold on to, and the tone you want to set for your partnership.

I always remind my couples that these vows can include humor, inside jokes, or poetic language — but they should also reflect what really matters to you. Be mindful about making promises you truly intend to keep (maybe avoid promising to never steal the covers!). The most meaningful wedding vows balance romance with realism — hopes with heart.

During planning calls, I often coach couples to practice reading their vows aloud. Not just once, but several times. Say them slowly, find your cadence, and notice how they feel in your mouth and heart. If you tear up, that’s okay. If you laugh, even better. Some couples even read them to a trusted friend for support — but remember, this moment is for you and your partner. No one else needs to “get it.”

Em Taylor Photography

3. They Let Your Guests Witness Your Commitment

There’s something incredibly powerful about saying vows out loud, in front of your people. It’s a declaration, yes — but also an invitation. Your guests aren’t just watching; they’re holding space for your union, supporting you with their presence and love.

I’ve seen guests wipe tears during a sweet, surprising vow. I’ve heard rooms burst into laughter at a perfectly timed inside joke. And I’ve felt that quiet, reverent hush when a couple speaks their truth with trembling voices and full hearts.

That’s what makes wedding vows unforgettable.

Not just the words themselves — but the way they feel in the moment, and the way they anchor your ceremony in love, commitment, and meaning.

What Style of Vows Should You Choose?

When it comes to choosing your wedding vows, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach — and that’s a good thing! Just like every love story is unique, so is every ceremony. The right style of vows for you will depend on your personalities, values, comfort level, and the overall tone you want for your wedding day.

As an officiant, one of the first things I ask couples is: How do you want this moment to feel? Do you want to feel grounded in tradition? Connected through humor? Or swept up in the emotion of something deeply personal?

Not sure where to begin? Exploring the different types of wedding vows — from religious to personalized — is a great place to start. Below are examples and insights to help you decide what’s right for your relationship.

Understanding the Different Types of Wedding Vows

Let’s explore the four most common types of wedding vows and how to know which one might be right for you:

Traditional or Religious Vows

These timeless vows often include phrasing like, “to have and to hold, from this day forward,” or “in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer.” Rooted in religious or cultural traditions, they’ve been spoken for generations — and still hold deep meaning for many couples today.

Why choose them?
If you’re honoring your faith, want to include sacred elements, or simply find comfort in the poetry of these enduring promises, traditional vows may be the perfect fit. They create a beautiful bridge between your story and those who came before you.

Repeat-After-Me Vows

In this style, your officiant speaks the vow line-by-line, and you repeat after them. This format is especially helpful if you’re nervous about speaking in front of a crowd, want support staying present in the moment, or love the simplicity of structured guidance.

 Why choose them?

Repeat-after-me vows allow you to stay focused on your partner instead of worrying about memorizing or reading. They can still be personalized, too! I often help couples create a version of this format using their own words or sentiments, so it feels entirely theirs — just delivered with a little help.

Personalized Wedding Vows

These are written by you, in your own voice. They might include shared memories, things you admire about your partner, humor, inside jokes, and most importantly — the specific promises you want to make to each other.

In one ceremony, the couple each wrote personal vows and chose to close with the same traditional line — “as long as we both shall live” — to give it a shared ritual feel. It was such a meaningful balance of old and new.

Why choose them?
If you want your guests to hear your love story in your words, and you're ready to speak from the heart, this is your moment to shine. Personalized vows are powerful, intimate, and often the most memorable part of the ceremony. They can be tender, funny, poetic, or raw — there’s no “right” tone, only what’s true to you.

A quick tip from me?

Practice saying your vows out loud, even if you’re reading them. Let the words live in your voice. Rehearsing helps you stay emotionally grounded and gives you confidence that you’ll be able to speak clearly — tears and all.

Hybrid Vows

(The Best of Both Worlds)

This flexible format blends the structure of traditional vows with the intimacy of personal expression. You might start with a short love letter-style reflection — a few lines about what your partner means to you — and then follow with a series of clear, heartfelt promises.

Why choose them?
Hybrid vows are perfect for couples who want the emotional richness of personal vows but also crave the grounding of “I promise to…” phrasing. They strike a balance between creativity and clarity, making it easier to focus on what truly matters.

Still Not Sure? That’s Okay.

Choosing your vow style doesn’t need to be stressful. It’s not about performance — it’s about connection. Think about what feels authentic to your relationship. Some couples make each other laugh through their entire vows (and that’s perfect!). Others speak with such tenderness that even I get choked up behind the scenes.

The key is this: Your vows should feel like they belong to you. Whether they’re funny or formal, poetic or plainspoken, what matters most is that they’re spoken with intention, heart, and love.

Becky Brown Photography

Common Wedding Vow Mistakes to Avoid

Writing your wedding vows can be one of the most rewarding parts of planning your ceremony — but it can also feel overwhelming. I’ve helped so many couples navigate this process, and over the years I’ve noticed a few common pitfalls.

Here are some wedding vow mistakes to avoid — and tips to help you write vows that truly reflect your love:

❌ Trying to be “perfect”

Your vows aren’t a performance. They don’t need to be profound poetry or cinematic speeches. Focus on being honest and intentional, not flawless.

❌ Making too many promises

It’s easy to get carried away! Keep your vows focused. Choose 3–5 meaningful promises that reflect what matters most to you as a couple.

❌ Writing a love letter instead of vows

Love letters are beautiful — but they’re not the same as vows. A love letter tells your partner how much they mean to you. Vows are commitments — what you’re promising for your marriage.

❌ Overloading with inside jokes

A little humor or personal reference is great — but too many inside jokes can confuse your guests and distract from the heart of the moment. Use them sparingly, and always come back to your core promises.

❌ Not practicing out loud

This is one of the biggest mistakes I see! Saying your vows out loud — to yourself, to a mirror, or to a trusted friend — helps you feel confident and emotionally prepared. It also ensures your pacing and tone feel right.

LAR Photography

💌 Grab My Free Wedding Vow Writing Guide

If you’re ready to start writing (or just want to stop Googling how to start!), download my free Vow Writing Guide — it’s filled with prompts, examples, and structure tips to help you find your voice and speak from the heart.

👉 [Download the Free Vow Guide Here]

Closing Advice on Writing Your Wedding Vows

Your wedding vows are more than a formality — they’re a sacred moment, a joyful declaration, and a deeply personal reflection of the life you’re building together. Whether you speak just a few words or pour your heart into pages, the vows you share will become one of the most cherished memories of your day.

So take a deep breath, trust your heart, and know that whatever you say — as long as it’s honest and full of love — will be absolutely perfect.